A Matter Of Believing
by I promise you that
Summary: And maybe she was that girl that he had fallen in love with, because she was the only one that he'd ever buy flowers for, and dance in the rain with, and sing silly songs to, all just to see a smile flicker across her war-hardened face.


Disclaimer: J.K Rowling owns it all.

* * *

><p>Written for <strong>mew-tsubaki's <strong>Because of LOVE challenge. Credit goes to **You're Amyzing **for the "quote" (the first sentence). A big thanks to the brilliant **silverfox98 **for beta-ing.

And all challenges and everything else aside, this one's for you, mew. :)

* * *

><p><em>Was it love, or was it the idea of being in love?<em>  
><em>Or was it the hand of fate, that seemed to fit just like a glove?<em>

_- One Slip_ by Pink Floyd

* * *

><p><strong>A Matter of Believing<br>**_  
><em>

_Because she was the only one that he'd ever buy flowers for, and dance in the rain with, and sing silly songs to, and yet still seem as cool as he pretends he is._

But of course, it was _her_, the biggest tomboy Sirius had ever come across, and she didn't want the fancy flowers, and she _hated_ dancing, and thought those silly little love songs were ridiculously cheesy, and always laughed when he pretended to act like the cool, careless ladies' man that most thought he was. But Sirius did all those things for her anyway; just to see that amused and exasperated smile brighten up her tense and guarded face, to see her bright, yet dark eyes glint with the mischievousness that got her branded as a troublemaker, and give his own mind some relief and bliss at the sight of seeing the _normal _her, the one that, somewhere along the way, he had come to truly love.

_But how did he know it was love? _Sirius sometimes pondered over that question in the dead of night as they lay together in bed after yet another round of passionate lovemaking. He would stay wide-awake, watching as she curled up against him, eyes fluttering shut in exhaustion and contentment, her naked skin glinting ever so slightly in the moonlight that filtered in through the open window, her hair spread around her pale face like a dark halo, looking painfully beautiful and desirable in her lover's mind.

And so he _watched__,_ and _watched__,_ and _watched_ her. And yet, no matter how many nights passed, he couldn't help but think she was an epitome of beauty, a clash of dark and light, pure and _oh so _innocent, yet tainted with her dark past. He couldn't help but think that she was just imperfectly perfect for him. Desire, lust, passion and love - _aching, unbearable love_ - all collided inside him in an explosion of painful and blissful contentment, seeping through his vein like poison, making him feel almost drunk from the powerful and pleasant effect of it all, making him want more. _More, more, more._

But then, there was that other small seed of poison inside him, a little seed of doubt that always haunted his mind when all his guards were down. This one drop of poison that didn't feel pleasant at all; a seed of uncertainty that took over all his previous emotions and feelings, making him wonder if it was truly love at all.

_What if it was just another fling, just another woman to warm his bed, just another heart he would break soon? Was it all just lust and desire__? D__id she only catch his attention because of her looks?_

Those dark thoughts haunted his mind until it became too much to even look at her. So, he turned his back on her, closing his eyes shut, and tried to make sense of all the conflicts in his mind, all the while wondering, _Was it love at all?_

Was it love that made him long and ache for her so badly when she was gone? Was it love that made him want to get past the insane turmoil in his mind and try to be a good enough man for her? Was it love that made him feel like his entire world was falling apart when she got herself into danger? Was it love, or was it just his natural over-protectiveness for his friends and family flaring up a little more than usual?

_Because __there was no doubt __she truly meant something to him, but was it __the same thing?_

Sirius's eyes opened suddenly as he felt her stir, and he turned around to face her, watching silently as she moved closer to him until her head was resting on his chest. Sirius let out a soft breath slowly as he felt the warm air hit his chest. But then it all whooshed out in one gasp again as he heard her whisper so quietly that he had to strain his ears to listen.

_"Sirius."_

He closed his eyes again, relishing in the sound of her voice as she whispered his name, his heart constricting with something achingly familiar, a feeling that he believed was inexplicable, but in truth, it was just a feeling he was too scared to admit he had. And it filled him with guilt, because unlike him, she wasn't uncertain, and she had no doubt in her heart or in her voice when she uttered "I love you" to him.

So _maybe_ it was love, because it was strong enough to make him do anything and everything for her, make him do the stupidest things just to see her smile. It was strong enough to make him willingly let go of that part of him that still believed he was Hogwarts' infamous womanizer and heart-breaker, one that had ladies lined up at his feet, begging him to make them his for the night.

And maybe he really did love her, because she was the only one that he'd ever shed a tear for, the only woman in the world that could make him surrender to her charms and make him go after her instead of the other way around, the only reason to ever make him consider settling down with a family someday.

Maybe he did truly love her heart, mind, and soul (and not just her body), because she made him want to be a better person, one that truly deserved her love in return.

And maybe - _he was truly starting to believe it by now -_ she was that girl that he had ultimately fallen in love with, _because she was the only one that he'd ever buy flowers for, and dance in the rain with, and sing silly songs to, _all just to see a smile flicker across her war-hardened face, to hear a tinkle of laughter escape her mouth, to see the sorrow and grief leave her eyes for a little while, to make her feel like a princess and be her knight in shining armor, coming to take her away to an illusion of a happily ever after.

And in that moment, as he stared down at the woman that was more special and meant more to him than any other lover he had ever been with, it didn't matter to Sirius that it may not be true, that everything they had between them could ultimately fall apart any second, because right at that moment, Sirius Black was _sure_ he had fallen _utterly_ and _completely_ in love with her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, I decided to give one of these challenges a try. How was it? The "she" could be just about anyone, Lily, Ginny, some random OC, whatever. Of course, when I wrote it, the she was Bella (who is the Fem!Harry from my other one-shots) to me. ;D Review and tell you what you think! :D**

** - Liz**


End file.
